“It’s your introvert.”
I don’t have one of those. Go away, I want to be alone.
I am an extrovert. No one will argue with that. I frolic in a dramatic, social environment. Whereas an introvert might feel the energy sucked out of them by a crowd, I gain vigor from it. I say to myself, “I feel lonely” more often than” I want to be alone.”
There have been times, albeit limited and short-lived, that I have wanted to be solitary. I enjoy a good cry now and then and I prefer to write when I am by myself. But I have never felt the coziness of self tugging at me until now.
I love it here in Egypt. I love the friendly, kind nature of perfect strangers and the energetic, inspiring presence of my colleagues. My yearning for some me-time is not directly associated with wanting to be away from others. Instead, I want a balance between taking in everything and everyone around me, and sitting solo with my thoughts and reflecting.
These are newish feelings for me, so as I am learning to otherwise set boundaries, I am also figuring out how to shut myself away for a couple hours without being a total brat. “I want to be alone,” sounds so conceited, but shutting my door without explanation also appears rude.
I think I am slowly becoming a new person, a person I like a whole bunch and want to nurture. I am eating healthier, exercising more, rarely drinking, and feeling more content overall. I know it is early, but I want to steadily keep this stream of positivity going rather than rising to the occasion and then plummeting into my past behavior. I actually spoke this thought aloud to my great roommate today: “I think I’d like to get a chair for my balcony and sit out there and read.” Can you believe it? Darkness-prone, cold-loving, inside-girl wants to sit outside in the warmth of Egypt?
I miss being around my family and friends, I like being around my new coworkers, and I’m also starting to enjoy being around myself. Not bad for one week, eh?